When Mr Right comes at the wrong time

Only some lucky people marry the loves of their lives.
The rest marry the most suitable person who comes
along when they are ready to settle down.

A friend in his 20s came to this conclusion after
confiding in me that he had recently met a woman who
is more attractive than his wife, and so occupies his
thoughts more often than his wife does.

'If only I had met her before I got married,' he said
wistfully.

But I think even if the love of one's life appears
when one is single, one may not be in the right frame
of mind to recognise him or her as such.

And then love passes by.

Life is littered with near misses and lost
opportunities.

I attended my ex-boyfriend's wedding last month, which
triggered many memories.

We met five years ago when I was 23 and he 31. It was
love at first sight.

He had an established career, was down-to-earth and
steadfastly religious.

I was then working as an air stewardess and my head
was - literally and metaphorically - in the clouds.

I was also - well, let's put it this way - not
religious.

Despite our differences, we were soulmates. We had the
same quirky sense of humour and shared long, intense
overnight conversations.

But human nature is perverse. When someone is
excessively nice to us, we start taking things for
granted, instead of appreciating them even more.

My ex sent me to the airport, fixed my PC, reminded me
to take health supplements - and go to church.

He had everything I could want in a husband - except
that I was not looking for one. A boyfriend was all I
could cope with then.

I loved fast cars, danced wildly at Zouk and took off
on shopping holidays at a whim. My life revolved
around I, me and myself.

In the six months that we were together, he popped the
question several times and talked ad nauseam about
having children. He wanted us to enrol for a Christian
marriage preparation course.

Yes, I did often fantasise about a Vera Wang wedding
gown, but I was at that stage of my life when I was
more interested in Guess than Baby Guess.

And where - dare I admit it? - I still wanted to meet
other men.

So I was a 23-year-old with the emotional maturity of
a 13-year-old. Responsibility? Wasn't that for adults?

In short, I met Mr Right at the wrong time.

The more he talked about marriage and religion, the
more I felt pressured and the more pressured I felt,
the more irritable I became.

I was too impatient to compromise. Every trivial
matter blew up as a big deal. My mood obliterated the
good in our relationship and reached a point where I
just wanted out.

He was heartbroken; I was sad but relieved. He still
called me regularly, beseeching me to change my mind.

The calls stopped finally after a year. Now and then,
we say 'Hi' via e-mail.

I had a few painful relationships after that. Served
me right, as those rude wake-up calls were necessary
for me to realise the meaninglessness of my hedonistic
high life.

I missed the tenderness of my ex and began having
second thoughts.

Perhaps I also felt more urgency to find someone
marriageable before my biological clock reached zero
hour. It dawned on me that I am not a pixie like Peter
Pan who can flit around forever. One day, I'd wake up
sick and alone when my fair weather friends flit away.

But I was too proud and too unsure of my ex's reaction
to call him until last year.

The first thing he told me excitedly was that he had
found The One. My heart tumbled to my feet. So, that's
Fate.

If only I could turn back time. If only I had met him
later. If only... what feeble words.

These days, I am more circumspect. I have come to
terms with my loss. There is nothing I can do about
timing, but I can do everything about my choices.

Sometimes, when the nights get lonely, I toy with the
idea of marrying a platonic friend of mine, who often
assures me earnestly that, if the worst comes to the
worst, he'd be willing to marry me.

But I always dismiss that. I have already made one
mistake. I should not make another by settling for
second best merely for the sake of getting hitched -
only to regret it soon after, as the guy who confided
in me did.